My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
