uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
