Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
