i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
