Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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