it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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