Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
