Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
one might say we're banned from that church
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
