Duck Duck Cougar?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
