Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
