I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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