either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
