You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
