come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My life is pants optional.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize