M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
