just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize