Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
