Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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