I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
