was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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