I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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