i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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