if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
