At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
