I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
