A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is Oprah even human
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
