I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
