i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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