that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Where is the hickey?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
