You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
