I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
