pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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