He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't turn off my feet"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
