I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
