I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
