This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
