Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
