he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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