Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
