you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
