If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
