Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He? As in you personified your dick?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
