I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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