There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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