The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
