It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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