i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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