guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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