Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
