Nicole vs. Life
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
