I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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