i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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