Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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