Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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