if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
