my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
