drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
