You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you will always have a special place in my vag
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Text me some of your sweat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
