i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
