elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All the doctor said was why
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
