i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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