forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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