I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
