What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
