Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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