I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
