I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
